As I Panic
by attherave
Summary: OneShot. A diary entry of James Potters' on the day leading to Harry's birth.


_July 30, 1980_

JUST THINK ABOUT IT.

In just a couple of weeks, I'm going to be a _dad_. Its amazing to think this is really happening when just years ago Lily wouldn't give me a second glance. And now, we're married and about to have a baby together. And as happy as I am, I cant help but wonder to myself…Am I ready for this?

I know it's a bit late for that, but when I really start to think it through, I don't think I can come through the way Lily, and myself, would like me to. I was just really getting used to Lily and I being married, and now…Its all just seems so sudden.

I would never change thing now, you should understand. But my anxiety is taking over. I cant help thinking to myself: _Am I ready? Will I even make a good parent?_

I guess no one really knows until it happens…But there's always that simple, yet complicated question that no one can seem to answer for me: _What if…?_

As I look across my desk as I write, I see pictures of Lily and I scattered messily across from me, and I cant help but feel a smile spread across my face. We look so happy. The first picture shows us on a picnic; the day I asked Lily to marry me. She looked like an angel that day; her red hair cascading into curls down her shoulders and radiating brightly against her white sundress, and bouncing as she laughed and smiled at me. I couldn't help but laugh at this picture myself, with Sirius' fingers going in and out of the sides of the portrait. That was also the day I decided not to let him be our photographer.

When I look closer around my office area, that is currently transitioning into a baby room, I really see how far I've come. This room, whatever you could call it right now, is _full_ of memories. Awards, including Lily and I's head girl and boy awards, an award for Quidditch, and pictures everywhere; some of Lily and I, our friends, and a few of family. We've come far in our short lives. And I cant wait to spend the rest of my life with her.

As I look around, more pictures start to catch my eye; this time my eyes lingering on our wedding day. Lilly stood on my left, us arm in arm. Sirius stood on my right as my best man, his hand resting on my shoulder and a never faltering smile plastered to his face. And the last, beside Lily, stood Remus, simply glowing. Lilys parents having died just years earlier, Remus had walked her down the aisle, giving her away to me. The smile on his face showed how truly proud he was. That day was easily the happiest day of my life; all of my favorite people surrounding Lily and I on the day we made a promise to be together forever.

The most recent picture of Lily hung on the wall over the newly finished crib in the middle of the room. In the picture Lily stood in the then-empty room, her ever growing belly getting very noticeable. She smiled, caressing her little belly, and cooing.

She was going to be a great mom; the best, in fact. Just the mental picture of Lily with a baby in her arms was enough to make me grin stupidly…and make all of my own insecurities come flooding back.

I'm starting to think maybe this wont be as bad as I thought. Unless…what if I cant _feed it?_ Or choked it with a spoon? ….And if I couldn't feed it at all, it'd starve! Or I could drop I-- Am I calling my _baby_ an "_it_"? I mean, I don't know what sex its going to be but…its not an…but what if it is! What if my baby has no…what if its an _it?!_ A unisex _thing?_

I cant breathe. I'm going to have a unisex…Wait! What if it…what if the baby turns out to be _twins?_ I'm not even ready for _one_ baby, let alone _twins!_ Holy hell. Im going to be the father of twin unisex's.

Wait…no. that's…not impossible. But terribly unlikely. (…_Right?)_

"_Calm down, James. Don't be a ridiculous twat!" _As Sirius would say.

Was that Lily? I think she's yelling something…_Its time._

Time? Time for what? I mean, really, what the hell is so imp-…Uh-Oh. Its _Time._ The big 'whoosh.' Things could get messy.

I guess things end here. I'm not sure what to expect after this. But I do know one thing: _Its time. And its not stopping for anything._

-James Potter.


End file.
